I never ever doubted that I’d go to college. All throughout my high school days, I dreamt of where I’d end up, what my major would be, etc.
Even when I began to discover that I couldn’t see myself pursuing anything other than business… my own business to be specific, I never questioned going to college.
So, I finished high school and went on to commit to Xavier University (GO MUSKIES).
Let me just start by making this very, very clear: I. Loved. College. Emphasis on love. I never ever doubted that I was in the wrong place or doing the wrong thing. I prayed earnestly about my college decision, and the entire time I was at Xavier, God made it very clear that it was indeed where I was supposed to be.
My first year was everything I could’ve hoped for a college experience– the greatest friends, the greatest memories, the cutest dorm (we did good, Josie), a growing faith, a phenomenal community, classes I loved, professors I loved, ALL THE THINGS.
My eyes were opened to so many things I could do with my life, and my love for business and excitement for the future skyrocketed. So I continued chasing things: a new camp, my old camp, writing more and more, etc etc etc.
I get easily overwhelmed, so it became a lot at times, but overall it was really frickin empowering to really start “doing my thang” in life. Disclaimer: this was a great great year, but please know that life is life, and I absolutely struggled during this time, too.
At the end of the year, I decided that I’d work full-time on my biz endeavors over the summer instead of going out and getting an actual job. (Plus, I had my camp on top of that, so I had the flexibility and cushion to do so).
I woke up early every morning, headed to my porch, and busted my booty to build a business for 3 months straight. I took courses, invested in mentors, researched A TON, tried & failed & tried again, wrote until my brain was fried, and more. It was a hustle season for sure, but I loved what I was doing. Before I knew it, the sun would start going down on my porch and my mom would come ask when I’d be done working.
As the summer went on, I’d catch myself trying to navigate how I could finish college sooner so that I could build my biz without distraction. Could I cram credit hours in and finish a semester early? (that didn’t seem soon enough). Maybe I could go 2 years at X then transfer online. I stressed myself out trying to come up with a solution, but I just knew that I couldn’t call it quits quite yet because I loved XU that much. So I went back for year #2 and was determined to make a plan during that school year for what I’d do with my life.
I’ll just go ahead and tell you…..
I lasted 6 weeks. My schedule was set up so that I had classes on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, which meant my Tuesday + Thursday were dedicated to letcha light shine work at coffee shops.
To be brutally honest with you, these were a really really hard 6 weeks. Not only the actual workload of balancing biz with school, but the battle that was going on inside of me. Trying to decide what I wanted to do while asking God to show me what plan He made for me was tough. I felt like keeping up with both school and biz (and actually being successful with both) would eat me alive, but picking one seemed like the scariest thing imaginable.
I saw my therapist at Xavier every other week, and even though we talked through how I could try to create a balance, it came down to this:
By staying in school, I just didn’t feel like I was following my path as much as I could have. It was like I was trying to please everyone (including myself + my own expectations), but when it came down to it, I wasn’t. So I had to leap even though it scared the sh*t outta me. (Note: I am not saying that you should drop out of school by ANY means, but in my case, that’s what it meant).
I scheduled meetings with professors and the dean and my therapist like it was my job… I wanted to figure out an answer for myself and make up my mind about what I’d do.
At the end of the day, nothing could touch the unsettling I felt about everything… I just wanted to take the leap and trust that God would show me how to “make it work.”
After realizing I’d get almost all of my money back for the semester, I took it as a sign that God was maybe making a way for this. So I did it… I called my mom, the res hall office, and the dean of the business school.
I officially withdrew and felt the greatest sigh of relief EVER (along with doubt and fear), but so so so much peace.
I stayed for a week with absolutely no classes and nothing to do other than soak up my last week with my best friends in my fav place. I packed up my apartment and bawled as I headed out the door.
Fear and doubt crept in, and continue to, like they do for all of us.
“Can I actually do this?”
“I’m too young.”
“She’s better than I am.”
But guess what? Time and time again, God follows those statements with something to knock those thoughts away. Purpose beats fear every single time. Here we are, letting Him take the lead in guiding the plan from here on out!
It’s not easy for any of us to follow where we’re called to go, but it’s worth it.